The Hidden Cost of Saying Yes — and the Value of No
I recently heard James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, speak about the value of saying no. (I’ve included the link to the podcast interview below)
He explained that every time you say yes to someone or something, you incur a debt. You now owe time, talent, money, energy, or attention — and that’s a debt you must repay.
The True Cost of a “Yes”
Agreeing to a meeting on Tuesday at 2 p.m. doesn’t just commit you to that hour. It also affects:
- The time before and after the meeting
- What else you could have done during that window
- The energy and preparation required
Who else is paying off that debt?
- The child you can’t pick up from school
- The productive hour you lose in the middle of the day
- Time alone, time with family, or time for a passion project
Often it isn’t a single yes that overwhelms us — it’s one more yes on top of all the others.
When You Say No
Many of us don’t notice the debt we’re accumulating with each small yes until we feel overloaded and exhausted.
When you say no, though, you gain a credit: time, energy, and attention you can spend on something else. Think of every no as a credit you can invest in activities aligned with your goals, values, and priorities.
Be Mindful With Your Yes
Of course, we can’t say no to everything. We owe our families, our jobs, and ourselves time and attention. But we can be more intentional about when and how often we say yes.
Ask yourself:
- Will this yes move me closer to my priorities?
- Am I saying yes out of obligation or genuine desire?
- What will I have to give up to honor this yes?
Why This Matters for Mental Health
Many of my clients struggle with anxiety and overwhelm because they say yes when they mean no — often out of habit, guilt, or fear of disappointing someone.
Learning where to spend your “credit” and with whom is a skill you can develop. You can be kind, thoughtful, and helpful — and still say no. Many people forget how often they do give authentic yeses; allow yourself to balance those with a few genuine no’s, too.
How to Say No — Kindly, Tactfully, and Assertively
This is something I teach clients: how to say no in a way that respects others and yourself. A clear, respectful no protects your time and energy so you can invest them where they have the most value.
Because every yes costs something — and every no gives you a chance to invest in what matters most.
Ready to Learn How to Say No Without Guilt?
If you struggle to set boundaries or feel overwhelmed by too many commitments, I can help.
As a therapist, I work with clients to develop the skills and confidence to say no kindly, tactfully, and assertively — while still being the caring person you want to be.
Call or email me today, and let’s talk about how you can start making more time, space, and energy for what — and who — truly matters in your life.
PS Here is the link to the YouTube video of James Clear talking to Ryan Holiday about the “value of saying No”. The Daily Stoic – Ryan Holiday & James Clear 1% Better